Off Grid

Of all things, watch battery goes down; time slowed - relatively.
Was late to the nursing home but did get to sing from old hymnal.
Embarrassed being so disorganized. Been downright loony lately.
Obligatory full moon shot - felt so puny over weekend thinking of her.

Not that there's anything wrong with it.

Another woman reassures me:

Trust in the LORD with all your heart
and do not lean on your own understanding.
In all your ways acknowledge Him,
and He will make your paths straight.

Running Late

Cool of the morning and ultramarine, the Palo Verde has survived.
Presents an iterated function I gather; fun with fractals.
Not so dysfunctional after all, eh? Do the math? Show your work!
Meanwhile, late for Bible study, caught up in the real world.

Got there and Dawn was waiting again.
Told her I was held up processing; was I ever.
Will have to get to Fibonacci later still, if ever.

Hairs on heads numbered too.

Guest preacher, a medical missionary from Thailand, spoke on Acts 17:26-27. Another aspect of divine determination. God is there; seek Him; Jesus said you will find Him. Indeed. I do believe this but am too much of a pagan to live it.

O God, you are my God,
earnestly I seek you;
my soul thirsts for you,
my body longs for you,
in a dry and weary land
where there is no water.

I have seen you in the sanctuary
and beheld your power and your glory.
Because your love is better than life,
my lips will glorify you.
I will praise you as long as I live,
and in your name I will lift up my hands.

My soul will be satisfied as with the richest of foods;
with singing lips my mouth will praise you.
On my bed I remember you;
I think of you through the watches of the night.
Because you are my help,
I sing in the shadow of your wings.

My soul clings to you;
your right hand upholds me.
They who seek my life will be destroyed;
they will go down to the depths of the earth.
They will be given over to the sword
and become food for jackals.

But the king will rejoice in God;
all who swear by God’s name will praise him,
while the mouths of liars will be silenced.

Psalm 63. And he mentioned Hosea.
But there was a problem.

The doctor grieved that people who did not know God were going to hell. He was speaking of the Thai people, nominal Buddhists for whom there is no "God" and much ignorance even with regard to Siddhartha. I couldn't see that, preferring to think that those who do more exactly know of Jehovah and Jesus and reject out of hand are those spoken of in such as Luke 16:19-31. Just sort of stuck with the contention.

Been in a coffee place all afternoon thinking about that and all the stories in the papers. No one to talk about them with. Stunning stultification! But par for the course; someone in mind.

Will be going on a visit to a nursing home in a while.
What can I do? What can I do? What can I do?
Well, I won't be late. I can read. I can sing. I will be there.

Itinerary

Ah... somewhere to go... for free!

Sailing to Byzantium

I
That is no country for old men. The young
In one another’s arms, birds in the trees
—Those dying generations—at their song,
The salmon-falls, the mackerel-crowded seas,
Fish, flesh, or fowl, commend all summer long
Whatever is begotten, born, and dies.
Caught in that sensual music all neglect
Monuments of unageing intellect.

II
An aged man is but a paltry thing,
A tattered coat upon a stick, unless
Soul clap its hands and sing, and louder sing
For every tatter in its mortal dress,
Nor is there singing school but studying
Monuments of its own magnificence;
And therefore I have sailed the seas and come
To the holy city of Byzantium.

III
O sages standing in God’s holy fire
As in the gold mosaic of a wall,
Come from the holy fire, perne in a gyre,
And be the singing-masters of my soul.
Consume my heart away; sick with desire
And fastened to a dying animal
It knows not what it is; and gather me
Into the artifice of eternity.

IV
Once out of nature I shall never take
My bodily form from any natural thing,
But such a form as Grecian goldsmiths make
Of hammered gold and gold enamelling
To keep a drowsy Emperor awake;
Or set upon a golden bough to sing
To lords and ladies of Byzantium
Of what is past, or passing, or to come.

With Flow

At a loss as to how to proceed.
Haphazardly. Certainly not gainfully.
What to say about diagnosis and process?
Not funtioning. No one to be with. Bad.

A woman friend sends me scripture:
My grace is sufficient for you,
for power is perfected in weakness.
Alright. Not living on the street. That's good.

Say nothing... nobody's business but my own.

Fluttered

The night bloomer presented luminously.
In an instant, a fly-by. My, oh my. Good-bye.

Coup de grâce

I am most resilient but really do need an SLR to get up to speed.
This pair was necking when I pulled the camera out... lucky shot.
The unit has no capacity to auto-resolve the more it zooms.
But I'll settle for it. Ha... reminds me of high school...

"You need to get laid."

Saw physician other day. Hypertension. Moody; out of my element.
Ah - that and dealing with arseholes does go to cerebellar pressure.
The woman made an appearance. Didn't say hello. Very odd.
Matter of fact, that's very high school; so I should say the girl.

Give it Up

Almost a great shot.
Silly to go on seriously -
point and shoot idiocy.
Can't afford the gear.

Misconception

Thought I had made a friend.

Don't think she'll be back.

Can't, shan't intrude upon her.

Should be honest with myself...

she's no interest in me.

Not very interesting am I.

She won't be back.
Except to pick up squash.

Driving on Empty

Not as simple as it sounds.
Nor as sound as it should be!

Legendary "don't do it" on account of sludge.
Etiologically, a definitive explanation of trouble.

Change the plugs, flush the fuel line.
Hope for the best - but I shouldn't have.

Ambient Ambiance

Commenced group talk. Had vent; shared experiences all round.
Glad to have gotten therapy underway - head feels quite congested.

Mood management, for lack of a better term; good enough for me.
Only picture today this one passing. Given available light, OK by me.

Isolate

Sessions underway. History. Status. Plan.
Have to wait until next week to see M.D.
Saw this soon after; I'll be OK - I will.
Haven't been asked "How do you feel?" yet.

Out of tobacco. Good time to clamp down and quit.
Coffee not doing any good neither. Psychotropically.
And the torrid season has imposed itself...
wishing to be elsewhere doing no good a'tall.

OK. Played that out.
No, I do not need my mother!
I need to get my shit together.
Done it before, can do it again.

Trinkets

Big night on the town this evening.
Ars promotia artis. Get your money out.
Have yet to bike about the First Fridates.
Would rather not perspire, frankly.

So, an artsy shot, my date with a processor.
I'd rather a quiet night far from crowds.
Not much choice there. Problematic?
No problem really. Not bad - all I need.

Disorder

Matters of aversion and avoidance.

The refusal to deal with accounts.
Nothing more than a huge pout?

Lose thread, more difficult to reconcile.

Went to be intook. Some therapy.

What's wrong needs to be assayed.
Tedious... shall I do that here?
No. But nowhere else to go; stymied.

Yesterday, oblivious as to the day.

Lost track of time; fool in love.

Missed chapel and Bible study.
Oblivion nothing new to me.

Limitations

A swirling moment before sunset.
Painting clouds has got to be the upper limit.
Here, how to frame? Telephone poles!
Minimal point-and-shoot capability matter of fact.

I will not wish, but make do.
I'd very much like to do portraits...
happenstanced shots of beings-by...
done up nicely; goes without saying.

Gets incredibly complicated, the publishing.
Not to mention the moxie involved.
(Warhol got away with it.) Shifty paradigm!
Incredibly presumptuous too, obviously.

The truck needs work too; range diminished.
Have to spend the day cooped up; restless.
(No business to take care of until tomorrow.)
Found something in Epictitus agreeable:

Wish not that things, not in your power,
May run as you would have them;
Wish them as they're done;
Wish them just as they are, just as you see:
Thus shall you never disappointed be.

Grounded

Once saw lightning hit a desiccated palm. From a distance.
The explosion a sight to behold, we waited on the engines.

Lit up like a candle in the meantime, we were enthralled.
The company put it out promptly and we dispersed.

Another time, camped on a hilltop in the Blue River Valley,
a thunderstorm swept through Alpine, lightning near about.

Got off that hill in a heartbeat; a fright one remembers!
Yet the worst is when I frighten myself. Really.