Time and Time Again

I've an hour and a half before prayer meeting. I'd intended to go to one coffee place but their AC was down, so went to an alternative one. I find I've got minimal interest in the Internet.

Had to cut back on the Facebook "interaction" as there was none really and I was creating a problem for myself in seeking to actually have some, of a sort. A bizarre circumstance in that my sister's posts (she has refused to be a "friend") are mingling and that makes me feel awfully weird since we are estranged, and worse when she announces a "family get-together" to which I'm not invited. Used to that but to have it publicised was a bit much for me. Had to pare those contacts such that I don't have to be exposed to that again.

Also removed contact with my imaginary (not really, there was some exchange) friend, a woman with whom I'd become smitten. That she's half my age and disinclined seemed to heighten a sense a challenge... a totally unrealistic scenario. I've gotten lonely and discount these facts in some delusion, magically thinking we might get along simply as real friends. Just setting myself up for disappointment... it's all too cliche.

Have had my medication doubled and am quite lethargic.
Please God this all works out, that I get well and working again.

Got to talking with a woman at church; all my problems impede.
Wish we could go on and make real friends. Don't think so.

Watch and Pray

Waited for her to pick up her veggies.
Came and went in a breeze.

Had this feeling of waiting at a water hole.
Only she pounced. Then was gone.

Still in love, but more easy, less forlorn.
Makes me feel really, really old.

She's been very kind. I miss her.
I told her. It cannot be. Solitary for me.

Check

The last post was off the wall.
I'm so totally bereft of real friends.
Making it up as I go along?
Yes, I am. Sustaining somehow.

See psychiatrist again tomorrow.

Break that Chain

Teacher startled me.

Said she needed to clue me in about something.

Before the Bible study commenced. Paranoia indeed.

Was just the scheduling of a nursing home visit.

She's another friend. Don't forget.

Galeta came up... need confirmation.

Got it after a mope and a wiz. The sack.

Got me going. Remembered OK. Something.

Have got to quit smoking.

Lungs a mess. BP outrageous.

Head up arse all the time.

Would do it for another friend.

Passed along to her, surreptitiously, after much angst.

She hit the nail on the head, she did... obsessing, I was.

"Tone it down." She's right; love her to death?

Later for the rampage, we'll take it peacefully.

Yet another friend goes all Tao...

The quieter you become,
the more you are able to hear.

Could not retort, Friend, requiring not another incident.

I heard a voice which said,
"There is one, even Christ Jesus,
that can speak to thy condition,"
and when I heard it, my heart did leap for joy.

Teacher, upon Paul's assurances,

brought us round to John 14.
Promised to read it later.

Have to quit smoking.

Peace I leave with you;
My peace I give to you;
not as the world gives do I give to you.
Do not let your heart be troubled,
nor let it be fearful.