Yes, how totally bored I am.
Bored and lonely equals aggression.
Talk to anyone; whatever's probable.
Yet with God all is possible.
Going to visit a friend.
Naval chaplain. Marine. Brother in Christ.
Looking forward to conversing together.
Hope it's relaxing and edifying.
My laptop screen damage prevents conveniently processing photos so I've got to lay off posting them with my text however much I like to. Have to use the library's desktop to do activities. I've got tons of photos in albums... going to see if I can find one appropriate.
Having had a rough couple of weeks, decided to blog in order to relax.
My laptop screen is damaged so my photographic endeavors are marginal. I have shots to process but it's inconvenient to put them through the changes - there is a crack and splotches adjacent, only about a quarter of the screen is available. Consequently I'm not carrying the camera with me. There were several great scenes this morning! Sigh. Still, I enjoyed looking and contemplating.
Well, it'll be a while.
Have to make do.
At Phoenix College library.
Suits me fine.
The connection speed at this wi-fi location has slowed and I'm getting agitated. Shouldn't want to feel that way. Came from church a little while ago feeling most placid. Read the other day of the dependence some people have upon their internet activity - yeah, that applies to me alright. But it really is a bear when you're trying to get the bus schedule and the page won't load. Well, that brings me back to the sermon at church today... instead of getting angry, what would be Christ-like?
Aside from the sermon, I stopped and thought. I didn't bang the laptop... I found an alternative to waiting on the bus schedule pages to load... I found out what I needed to. I didn't pray about it - I just wanted not to get angry and flustered and, by the grace of God, I didn't.
Pastor today preached on II Timothy 1; 3 Keys to Christ Like Living. * Be grateful for our spiritual heritage.
* Trust in and live the Gospel.
* Be loyal to the faith we've received.
Well, amen to all that but I'd add thanks for our God-given intelligence and persona. Paul is encouraging Timothy... I just had to encourage myself. Things will always work out. And don't you know the connection speed just got back in gear.
I'm happy to be a Christian and glad to be saved. As a matter of fact, as the pastor went around shaking hands before the service, when he came to me I was reading by grace you have been saved in Ephesians 2:5 just before I shook his hand and looked into his eyes. It was a great comfort. I had told him of the suicidal thoughts... no, no... I want to live. So there it all was in totality.
Walking to church for a Bible study, came across this shady spot I often pass. My truck is down so I'm walking everywhere in the near vicinity. This picture is deceptive. It looks cool but it's still quite warm. Too warm to walkabout much and take other pictures let alone the diminished range in being without transportation. I'm just doing this to keep up some activity.
And even so, the screen crack has metastasized - there are ribbons of blackness across it. I can't afford to get the truck fixed; I can't afford to fix or replace the laptop. I am really in a pickle. (That's perhaps putting the catastrophe of my life in an unwarranted light.) I remembered an old Twilight Zone episode where a man who loved to read was the only survivor after a thermonuclear exchange, the world wiped out except for him. He came across a library, all the books now at his disposal. But he then had a accident - he dropped his glasses. That was that. The internet is my only means of outside communication. Should the screen become unreadable I will become awfully despondent.
I look forward to going to church when I do... like this morning. It's become my only society. I moved my membership to Love Baptist in Phoenix yesterday and I hope I get along with the congregation well; I have known some of the people for years.
Endured a calamity this morning but it turned out to be not as devastating as first thought. One of those things that if it's not one thing, it's another. My sense of stupidity sometimes overwhelms, not to mention bad luck.
I'd removed some items from my back-pack in which I tote my laptop. The laptop inside, I prepared to leave my house but didn't zip the pack closed. Grabbing the pack and slinging it over my shoulder, I went out the door. Hadn't taken three or four steps when the laptop hits the concrete deck... a mind blowing crash it made behind me. Devastating feeling.
It survived but the LCD screen is fractured, only a matter of time before the blackened dead spaces grow as the unit gets jostled. I cannot afford to replace it. I'm so dependent upon online activity. Yes, it would be devastating to do without the contact.
Fortunately, I'm still going, damage and all.
Please God it keeps up intact.
A great sign appeared in heaven: a woman clothed with the sun, and the moon under her feet, and on her head a crown of twelve stars; and she was with child; and she cried out, being in labor and in pain to give birth.
Then another sign appeared in heaven: and behold, a great red dragon having seven heads and ten horns, and on his heads were seven diadems. And his tail swept away a third of the stars of heaven and threw them to the earth. And the dragon stood before the woman who was about to give birth, so that when she gave birth he might devour her child.
And she gave birth to a son, a male child,who is to rule all the nations with a rod of iron; and her child was caught up to God and to His throne. Then the woman fled into the wilderness where she had a place prepared by God, so that there she would be nourished for one thousand two hundred and sixty days.
And there was war in heaven, Michael and his angels waging war with the dragon. The dragon and his angels waged war, and they were not strong enough, and there was no longer a place found for them in heaven. And the great dragon was thrown down, the serpent of old who is called the devil and Satan, who deceives the whole world; he was thrown down to the earth, and his angels were thrown down with him. Then I heard a loud voice in heaven, saying,
“Now the salvation, and the power, and the kingdom of our God and the authority of His Christ have come, for the accuser of our brethren has been thrown down, he who accuses them before our God day and night.
“And they overcame him because of the blood of the Lamb and because of the word of their testimony, and they did not love their life even when faced with death.
"For this reason, rejoice, O heavens and you who dwell in them. Woe to the earth and the sea, because the devil has come down to you, having great wrath, knowing that he has only a short time.”
And when the dragon saw that he was thrown down to the earth, he persecuted the woman who gave birth to the male child. 14But the two wings of the great eagle were given to the woman, so that she could fly into the wilderness to her place, where she was nourished for a time and times and half a time, from the presence of the serpent.
And the serpent poured water like a river out of his mouth after the woman, so that he might cause her to be swept away with the flood. But the earth helped the woman, and the earth opened its mouth and drank up the river which the dragon poured out of his mouth. So the dragon was enraged with the woman, and went off to make war with the rest of her children, who keep the commandments of God and hold to the testimony of Jesus.
Today in Bible study, Revelation 12. I sought, in the violence, an alternative.
If Michael, leader of God's host When Heaven and Hell are met, Looked down on you from Heaven's door-post He would his deeds forget.
Brooding no more upon God's wars In his divine homestead, He would go weave out of the stars A chaplet for your head.
And all folk seeing him bow down, And white stars tell your praise, Would come at last to God's great town, Led on by gentle ways;
And God would bid His warfare cease, Saying all things were well; And softly make a rosy peace, A peace of Heaven with Hell.
And she whom I love across from me. "It disturbs me." She's just not there.
Great day for a hike... beautiful out there. Wish I could call someone I've in mind and do this one. The Peralta Trail to Fremont Saddle in the Superstitions. Weaver's Needle. Yes; I'd really like to do it right now.
Have to settle for walking around neighborhood. Awfully boring. Just don't understand why we can't rendezvous. Well, the patience of saints, they say. Just don't understand.
Raised up some little cash. Went through downtown. Stayed out of court; until... Not my line of work - never was.
Rendering to Ceasar comes not easy. Manifesting as it does, we are captive. (The law, however, for law breakers, as Paul posits.) Conflicting then in Revelation, the specie beastly.
I'd have none to do with it. I'd pass by admiring the work, is all. What to do the question, then. Free of the misery, the obstructions.
But as for me and my household, we will serve the LORD.
First drove a cab in NYC. 1972. Out of the Bronx. Worked Manhattan. Would go to Brooklyn. Never any trouble. Only got "beat" once. Three guys picked up on 2nd Avenue uptown go to Wayne, NJ. Did not get $30 fare up front... they bailed in a mall lot and vanished.
Did have one accident. Guy playing chicken up the Major Deegan. Passing courtesies blown away, he pulled out ahead at exit. In front of Post Office on 138th, he stopped short at green light. Rear-ended him. The explanations was interesting and accepted.
Best story was pick-up at after hours club near dawn. 52nd and 1st Avenue: the lights uptown timed at 30 mph. Off we go, a wise guy and a bimbo... red light at 110th. "Take it kid; this is my neighborhood." Don't recall otherwise.
Several years later took in Scorsese's Taxi Driver. Heavy. Then meet myself a girl named Iris. An operator, for sure. Wasn't fully apprised jargon then; she needed to be saved. Double-crossed me; got over it; made rescue attempt.
Holy shit if that didn't set off a chain of events still reeling. Thus and the need for current prescription impede driving. Mentally and physically, I'm a safety hazard. All this plus. Plus voices, plus dirty dig: "You'll end up driving a cab."
Such it is for students of philosophy. Students of Life. Can't stand it anymore. Please Lord; clear my mind. Something will come up. Meanwhile, Eric Hoffer advises. And may the Good Lord have mercy upon us all.
I'd been driving a cab to meet expenses. Drives me nuts. Can no longer. Need glasses... vision worsening and unsafe. Mind stabilizing. The world crazy; I want little part in it. Got my Title 9 certification and will go back to medical trade.
That is to work with DD clients. May need to shave. Some resumes to put out. Connections to make. Have to get it together or I will not survive. So, anyone out there... pray for me. Struggling.
Wise as serpents, harmless as doves. Yet tired. Tuckered out but have to go back. Chaplaincy obsolete. The humiliation of it all; result of a decision long ago. Upon mastering natural science, would not kill for a living.
My truck is down and I'm feeling quite stuck. The best I can do for mixing with the flora and fauna. This Chihuahuan raven waddled up chirping; got him. I see there's the least concern for them... scavengers!
He really was chirping quite loudly. Mating call? I've no idea. Maybe he was just happy about something. Reminded me of a favorite old "album" ... Chirpin'. Goes back to rainy days in Oregon. Nothing but sunshine today.
Feel like I'm on hold until Sunday. Socially. People at church, of course, but football too. Really surprised that Jets got by Patriots. Think I'd like to see NY take on Chicago in Super Bowl.
When one says one has done so one had better keep to it. Had thought about getting a pipe but, no, I won't now. About to go for a walk as well. Terribly out of shape. Dear Lord, heal my mind. Strengthen my constitution.
Walked to bus. Did the light rail routine. Cloudy. Warming up again; too soon. We was freezin' last week! Presently at library. Photos to process. Updates otherwise. Am going to pull Stowell and Friesen up. Relax until chapel.
Chapel done. Almost 48 hours without a puff. Good study tonight. John 14; many mansions. Just picked up fixin's for chicken salad sandwich. Hope to sleep good and continue regime.
Love this picture. On the porch at Mighty Cup. Nice place. Had given it to a friend and wanted not to publish. Just for her, but she never got back to me. So... At one time might have liked to make something like it.
And could perhaps go there for the movie tonight. Would, however, need a ride. Maybe meet someone here. Here being a place within walking distance. Bad situation. Tags expired. Insurance lapsed. Hunkered down. Grounded.
Such a bear; all this time (as mentioned) and no friends. It's really odd. Everyone out for themself and out of it. I've tried as well as I could to get along and acquaint myself. Just don't understand the strangeness of this place.
The irony is that were I to make an acquaintence now, it might be construed as "weird" or worse. Ridiculous. That's really something - I remember my father saying that; "He's weird." Imagine that. No, don't have to. Really happened.
Well, I'd like to get beyond it, and I have for the most part. But the reamifications of the poisoned well redound today. My father could never stand anyone being his better whom, and this includes many worthies, he considered his inferior.
Tomorrow, all I've got left is a dollar. For coffee and wi-fi. At Spud's. Love visiting with the folks there. Keeping up. Then I've got to walk to the counselor; thence to church. Have no idea what to do. Completely trusting in the Lord.
Did not attend to business. Am quite blotto. Spent all day Monday in bed. Getting stable. Back on meds. Will do things Wednesday. This afternoon, looking toward stability.
Have quite botched it with the French woman. I've got to think I've alienated her somehow. Don't know what to do except let it go, placidly. Really felt much affection for her. Complications.
Just about ready to crash. Long day. Risky circumstances.
Yesterday, rotters running old neighborhood web site bugged out.
Good thing I've got my own neighborhood - for like thirty years.
Phoenix such a strange place; they act like they don't know you!
Guess that goes back to some sort of insularity hereabouts. Really not my problem. The "natives" have a lousy attitude. My being here is entirely happenstance; wherever I hang my hat!
But old neighborhood reminds me of hilarious story.
Some girl, she wrote her favorite song was Ronday, Ronday.
One of the rotters, she had gossiped about me. So...
most excellent having her goof to remember her by.
Tomorrow, therefore, will have a theme. Stuff to do. In order.
Church good today. Missed the French woman. Still have gift for her.
Cannot mention where Bible study went (left field) and was nice.
On the way to sanctuary, found someone's checkbook. Turned it in.
Deputies took care. Wanted no part of chasing someone else down.
Pastor got into tithing issue. Showed a video beforehand. Bupkis was mentioned. I laughed out loud. Then the message.
10% of zilch is zilch. Really, I'd merely a dime; what I placed in tray.
I told them. I won't serve Mammon. Some do and take a cut.
I'm not going to worry about it. Yet agree with the preacher.
God Sovereign over all, we're stewards required to support church.
But if you don't have it, what can one do? Priorities. Anxieties.
So it is as I cope with being totally broke and unbought. Praise God.
Update: Old neighborhood site back up. Thought I was banned.
The girl had spread it about that I was "conceited;" ticked me off.
First of all, I'd like to thank John at Spud's. Just outside for a little while for a brief post.
After completing some business much relieved. The stresses of online "interfacing" accumulate. But it's done and I felt like a drink. Happened to have some kirschwasser.
For fondue, it sure did come in handy. Put a jigger into some coffee remnant. Feel much better - awfully stressed. Will have to do in this very happy hour.
Heavenly Father: thanks for keeping me safe, and sound; there's a lot going on of mean spiritedness - please help me to deal with it as you see fit, by Your will. I ask this in Jesus' name. Amen.
Well, the car people are in the 35th & Northern lot. Think I'll take a mope over and visit with them.
Don't know if I'm going to make it through the weekend. Auto insurance runs out and I shall not be moved, so... it's a hike to church and, like any preacher, I'm on hold. Until then. Oh, brother - it's going to be a bear. Grin too.
I'd like to contact the French woman and tell her to relax. Had said I'd move my membership but don't want to really. Don't want to disappoint the pastor nor the teacher. Could move to another table, I guess, but, yeah, bear down.
Where did this all begin? Had a thought with the teacher. Girls needling and snooting; presently one having it out. She's attractive, yes, and alluring, but I'm spoken for. Sometimes I'll say I already have four wives. Sheesh.
I've got some business to take care of presently. Yet I'd really like to engage that woman. I am a free man. Been thataway since circa '76. Vetted many females. Have had a boffo time of it. Several books. An epic or two.
Old Pastor Jackson, who packed them in, always said, "God always has you exactly where he wants you." Hey, remember that time we had to turn around up north? A snowflake hit the road at Jacob's Lake. Closed the road.
The Forest Service, I presume. Spent weekend in Page. Snowed in pretty good. A splendid substitution, I suppose. But I had wanted to "do" the North Rim. Primitively.
It was only the middle of September! Disappointed.
Then again, I realize why they do the closure.
Go in and get stuck; no cell phone at the time. Safety aforethought. Yes, indeed. Understand completely. Anyway, got a ring in Cameron on the way up.
Quite a while ago. Getting old here. Should I move?
Often think about going back to Oregon. Not much. Before the market crashed, contemplated a swap.
House here for a plot, put up a dome. Online business.
Not in the cards anymore. Stuck here with strangers. Every day I say it's going to get better; it gets worse. People don't even say hello. "Neighbors" the same way. It's a totally commercial place, Phoenix, sold out and phony.
Pub got a little busy and after reading NY Times needed some air.
Brung myself to, hopefully, more peaceful place... however, not! Pair of Africans (sound like people of bight) are jabbering loudly. They've no conception how said air vibrates, their babble imposing.
At any rate, barely hearing the wallpaper musical selection, I settle. Would've been hoot posting here: the Times is completely surrounded! Good thing Charlie on the ball and we'll all pull through this too. Can't believe surgeons in Tucson are not using graphics in conference!
Ah, the Africans just left, heckling and jeckling all the way out. Had to break silence with a friend this morning. Had to, surely. He had been complaining about POTUS and called for a capping. No, I said then; now stated, "No need for that - he'll be indicted."
I suppose there's not enough can be said about mental cruelty. The internet, along with the so-called MSM, is rife with it. But its minions are usually at a loss, craving markets and the like. We've not a desire in the world and are most blessed in ourselves.
Yet proverbial nature of us presents a stumbling block occasionally. Try as we might, you're better off leaving it up to the Good Lord. He's always been there for me; I've got an inkling a good friend too. Leaving well enough alone, best to go back to square one, and pray.
I'd like to sample some of this wine but need to keep sharp. And clear my mind, I will, for the contests this weekend. I've got to stand back and maybe let the Patriots win. Cause we'd like to see the Steelers subsequently. Maybe.
Did a practice hike of a little more than a mile on Tuesday. Yesterday, six miles. Managed OK except for left heel. My good boots are stowed away and didn't turn up! So I wore a pair of work boots with heel pads. Tender.
Today, will find the boots. Time budget precluded. Another amble for coffee, perhaps; and pads surely. Would like to get further afield. Another budget item. Knees and hips OK; no arrhythmia; no bother traffic.
Made up verses to marching songs as I went along: God is great and redeeming, He is true, not concealing; See Him all about the scenery.
Is Tuesday already. Much ado; begging most unbecoming. Drat. He spoke on Ephesians 5:21. Churchill quote in the bulletin, clearly.
Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.
The lesson included the following points, carefully made: * Respect * Inspect * Expect * Dispatch
The tangles withal - they'll always be something. They can be overcome through Christ Jesus.
We naturally scrutinize each other toward attaining comfort levels. Much to live up to within families; do the best you can, inshallah.
Oh, a tender tangle with those expectations. Some people... they say don't create them so's your not disappointed.
Yet we must make them, the goals if you will, sensibly made. Thence, lead kindly light. Think we can satisfy that, indeed.
From a variegated point of view, don't you just bridle yourself: when people say goes around comes around and karma? They don't know what they're talking about (You go first!) usually; no, they've no conception of dharma as the matrix. And broken.
Broken hearts and minds. Well, no problem, compadres. Well, I hope she saw it, the note I made for her to see. We're undefeated, we are, yet my mind's somewhat disturbed; it's no wonder why in these parts, really, but my heart's OK.
For the LORD God is a sun and shield; The LORD gives grace and glory; No good thing does He withhold from those who walk uprightly. O LORD of hosts, How blessed is the man who trusts in You!
What then shall we say to these things? If God is for us, who is against us? He who did not spare His own Son, but delivered Him over for us all, how will He not also with Him freely give us all things? Who will bring a charge against God’s elect? God is the one who justifies; who is the one who condemns? Christ Jesus is He who died, yes, rather who was raised, who is at the right hand of God, who also intercedes for us. Who will separate us from the love of Christ? Will tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or peril, or sword?
We might as well call this the Lyle Walcott Memorial Ring. Johns Hopkins Ph.D who taught Comparative Religion. That was at Glendale Community. Years ago. Great class. Good time too; just enough time to get underway here as well.
Halftime gave opportunity for quick exposure. Yuck. (My camera's not exactly the one for idiot-proofed shots.) The thing of it is I bought the ring on campus one afternoon. At the time, I was grooving doing a job I've forgotten!
At another site fewer years ago we joshed about DaVinci. The ridiculous code tale, Brown laughing all way to bank. Told them: "No such thing as symbolology." A scam. Did not much refer to P.T. Barnum. They were appalled.
About other stuff like Vatican cover-ups and mean clerics. I kept it to the anthropological evaluation... means little. Make a pot; "Hey, let's make it purty." "That's way boss!" "Remember that time I slew the goat?" "Do it, compadre."
I've a dollar in my wallet with the National Championship coming up. We're going with Oregon, a coffee mate, some happy hour folks and I. Certainly not with legendary bottom dollar; no, I will swing otherwise. Five cigarettes and a good time as I'm rather inebriated, you see.
Someone bought a Stella. Belgian. Called "the wife beater" elsewhere. A hoot indeed! My "wife" kicked me in the shins, for nothing. Forget. Funny to remember we were horsing around once, playfully. When we went to the ER, I told her to say we were playing basketball.
Have forgotten what we were doing putting her in that pickle. Merely in this context I recall how I smacked that atrocious person. Gave her back of my hand, I did. She'd displayed she was in clutch. Of Satan. Left first. Satan ever in "relationship" ongoing. In-laws!
Outlaw pair sought to destroy what they were incapable of. Grace. I had to leave that person behind; "There is no God." she said. Sin against the Holy Spirit can never be forgiven. No problem. After leaving her, after she let Satan rule her life, she cried. So...
I gave her another chance. Big mistake. A vicious cycle ensued. The Satanic pair advising, she presented all sorts of provocations. And I caught her with a boy in her own possession. Spooked her. Made me weep. She was so stupid. Nothing to do 'bout it.
Consequently, the Satanic pair went obliquely conventional. Had finally "tied the knot" financing a trip to Europe. Creepy. Scum of the earth, they were; and playing folks along the way. So glad to be saved and way clear of those creeps. No interest.
Right now, all that matters is holding together through the game. Don't follow college football, though I've seen the Ducks - know I took in a little of the ASU match; Wildcats all a blur. As if any of it mattered! Love to say, "We had a rugby club."
Those rugby fellows have no front teeth too. Pucks! S Something outside of hisopus magnus tripos plays it well. Once brought a wookie person to see O Lucky Man! She didn't "get it" and broke down. I hugged her. Grace.
What does she do in return but sport me to this. Afterward, she wanted me to get her a steak. I did. She couldn't make up her mind as to whether, as I recall, she was anemic or hypoglycemic. Played hypochondriosis.
She'd already seen the Federal crime indicated. A set up. She wished to hurt my feelings upon several levels. I merely went ballistic to see the NYPD trumped by FBI. Knew all about it and loved every second of mine conniption.
She attempted some other psychological assaults. I was having a great time and they were a distraction. Sometimes I think about her; slept with infected people. Figure she's long dead. Never looked back after circa 1976.
So fun to remember the Animal House shoot in Eugene. And the combo. Ron Steen. Sonny King. Otis Day. Former two played the Kingston and Chuck's in Portland. Chuck Steakhouse is where Omar turned up. Yeah, go Ducks.
If you'll allow me, I'll put up this magnificent event. There we were, minding our own business, when he threw. Honest to God; non-competitively; on the side; not improvised. He's got the touch, the knack, the blessing of heaven watching.
Well, that's making way too much of a chance occurrence. We were there, we saw it, we vouch for Chuck, in extremis. Feel that way too about giving testimonies. Ready to die. The perversion which has obstructed my life is incredible.
And, just as I contemplated this post, a miscue, of sorts. Excavating the vehicle, extracted said cue, and some tobaque. Having secured same, went on to do this. (Nice shot.) Simple. Don't you know I'd left cue atop the truck! Major domo alerted.
Talk about multi-tasking. E-mails and other pictures happening. Too much happening for a Monday, I'll say that. Squarely. Had to bid the French woman adieu, though it remains complicated. I'll always love her, like many of the women I've encountered.
Couldn't exactly say, "Meet me under the cross." Had a conversation once with an evangelist: imagine covering the event. The trial through execution. Another movie; a scribe at Saul's elbow. Make a pitch.
Splendid study this morning. She startled me. Gleeful. Having the right attitude came up... the servant's heart. Setting the agenda up for grabs; working out. Sensibly. A fine orchestration of teamwork at the table.
The Jehovah problem presented - the remnant. A WW I phenomenon - end of the world; extrapolated. Reminds me of Watchtower sign adjacent Brooklyn Bridge. Definitely stay away from that and kabbalists. Gadzooks!
Chapter 7, verses 9-12 show form of homage. Easy for me. Understand the process. Once done, no pain and covered. Somehow the beastly code got going. Wanted to jump in! Geronimo... is Caesar's visage upon the currency. Broken.
We're getting tighter. Notion of homage deeply instilled. Let her know: "Mon Dieu et mon liege." Take it from there. Not too heavy. Plenty light. Just right. She knows for sure. And ended up heartily, in a very amicable grove.
Your own worst enemy sometimes; be your own best friend as well. Confess your sins, one to the other, and cut yourself some slack. OK.
Years ago, I thought I had been sanctified. No one believed me. Took a long while to "stablize" or become grounded, so to speak. Now I see, yes, it was a born again experience. Threw me for loop. And now, please, I'd like to live my own life, not a role assigned.
I worked so hard; gave it everything; best I could. They said, "Don't work too hard." sarcastically. Why did they snicker? Why didn't they help us? It wasn't right, what they did. Psychological warfare!
Take that, ye snooks! (It's a good thing... liberation. I've got to watch myself.) Need to get grounded again. But how? With whom? Have place of my own yet house is not a home.
Whether, then, you eat or drink or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God. Give no offense either to Jews or to Greeks or to the church of God; just as I also please all men in all things, not seeking my own profit but the profit of the many, so that they may be saved.
Moved the show, after a nap, to Denny's on Northern. They've got a Jasper Johns print behind the register. I'm looking at it presently, and it's been quite a night. The Jets pulled it out and I got a loan to tide me over.
When I came in, a man and his son presented. A disabled person, the son's wheel chair was very busy. All sorts of notices, including some Greek Orthodox ones. Referred him to Nightingale and made small talk.
The father was feeding him custom foods, not grilled. Obviously specially prepared; had brought a blender. Dicey matter, approaching him and inquiring therefrom. I let him be and let it go. Just a bit of advise given.
The loan something of a swap... gave a book. Not bad. Took lot of pressure off, having to work something out. All these fights going on, all this "venting" is distracting. Was reminded of one of my last tangles; not my fault.
He wouldn't move. A kid on the steps at Shea Stadium. Went for pop; back to seat; a glance - tacit circumstance. He didn't move - "ignored" me. Climb over? "'Scuse me." Still refused move. Threw pop in face; pummeled. Won.
Now, same stuff. Product of sadistic "permanent recorders." They can go to hell too. I say no to all of it; no thanks, I say. Yes to winning people for Jesus Christ - sans theatricality. With The Lord all the way, and He with us. Surely.
Schedule out of whack. Church in the coming morning. Made a necklace for my lady friend, if she'll have it. Pretty nervous about that circumstance. Thinking... could move membership back to Love and wait on it.
I'd like to spend the next couple of days streaming here. I've many things to clear up. Have been in love for several weeks - no, longer, but forget how I commenced to really love her. Maybe it was the way she listened with one ear seemingly cocked for her son; she was always bringing him up. Tried to help when she said he got injured doing sports. Second opinion was sought. Carrrumba... what gall on my part to agree and suggest physiotherapeutic measures. Fell into it, and fell in love. Couldn't do much more. I wasn't praying for her and him then. I figured they were regular people with no outstanding problems. Being a pauper and much demurring, I sure couldn't horn in and take command. Now I've got to wait until the right time to spill my guts to her.
Oh, I remember now. When we first met. Enchanté! We talked about restaurants. The old German place on Indian School (now closed; went there for schnitzel) and the French Corner. I suggested the bistro on 16th Street, Coup des Tartes. Forgot about Sophie's. (That would be Serge and the crew.) And didn't mention Guy or Blueberry Hill. Yowza... how to tell her about the adventures with Omar and Larry let alone the tangles with the boys there.? Let it slide.
Since that encounter, there's been a problem - she never asks me how I am upon the opening of an internet channel of communication. I figure she's gotten a low-down not from the respective horses mouth. Well, the French do have an attitude and condescend to the natives. I take them up. Never any problem there. Not my problem they've not been brief properly. Do the best we can. Jesus is Lord and relax.
Paula at Mighty Cup says the flowers are the Friendship Plant. Ensconced thither now. Yes, will write up a bunch, continuing tomorrow. There'll be hot-air balloons here so some photo opportunities as well. Fading fast. Somewhat hungry. Chicken Cream Chowder awaits and I've got to process some shots pretty quick. So, feeling better already and I'll be back.
J'ai acheté un livre aujourd'hui ... Maigret et la vielle dame.
Est-ce que lire ce soir, quand je m'installe. Encours!
Il devrait être toute une expérience. Nous l'espérons.
Went from the Denny's to Spuds. Pubbed as we groove here.
Was reminded of coming between my deceased parents during the 2001 World series. I'd call them after a game (We had taken in the first game together. A B-2 flew directly over the parking lot at 59th and Cactus beforehand; stopped to get treats.) to congratulate each upon the victory of their respective teams. Another story - I shan't ruin it in a premature telling.
Unfortunately, am further reminded of when my father and I were watching a Yankee game years before. My vicious sister (not to be confused with the lout) made a comment which completely ruined our pleasure in the moment. Her visage presented like Barbara Stanwyck in Double Indemnity as Fred Murray did the deed. A neanderthal gossip, I stood up to her and defended the principle of self-defence. What an ignoramus. The other one is worse, and a lousy goad to boot. They deserve each other. They're still unsaved after all these years of testimony and prayer. Time to move on.
My dishonorable brother is an out and out traitor to mine being.
Metaphysical murderer, he is, feeling justified of himself. I invite him to have me committed... wait a minute -
might present a conflict of interest. His own entirely.
Of course this all goes way back. They have never been the least bit interested in me nor anything I communicate. They're not saved and I've got to consign them to hell, a hell of their choosing no doubt, where they can meet their vain and abusive parents. That's right, and that's tough. It's surely not easy saying one is a son of God. I'm happy to have been selected.
And very happy to be saved. I'm getting more accustomed to the Baptist's tangles. Funniest thing... a woman in church asked me years ago what my background was; you know, you simply do not want to go into it. I don't remember what the set-up was but the punch line went, "The only Baptist I knew was Nelson Rockefeller." With regard to the "background information," only a mate will suffice toward fully informing someone, if indeed that is necessary. Well, that seems to be what an engagement period is for.
I'm pushing 60, without cash and have nothing to look forward to.
Who'd want a thing to do with me? A conundrum I'll be praying over. Looking forward to church tomorrow; I've been "called" for some time. Told a pastor once, "I'm coming in and I want all my friends with me."
Am I to be raptured? Will they snicker? Have they denied me?
We'll see. In a clichéd sense, I suppose I'm burning a bridge.
They were given every opportunity and rejected me. Right.
After a good sleep, I came to see that someone could research.
A further study of how Purgatorio came to be invented. I feel very badly consigning anyone to eternal punishment. Not my place, of course; maddening. Nothing wrong with me.
My immediate family is completely wound up in themselves.
I'm bottled up and if the French woman connects, look forward.
I told her what I told a fellow at old First Baptist in Phoenix:
"God wants me to minister to ministers." Is called "gotcher back."
Went into matter of studying in Duane Library on patio. Eking out the pass in Calculus; barely. Over with. Got interrupted passing Time magazine collection. From Volume 1, No. 1 through "the war" and beyond.
That was how we found out about the B girls. Ugh. Good thing discipline much, much better @ Gulf. (You touch, you double-die with bows on top!) But back then, dumb - and was recruiting hook.
Something happened bar side, sort of VC thing. Forget. La pointe plus que suffisante, elle a persisté. Smooched! Unwelcome infiltration. Went through channels. Left. Hope it all works out. Newbie learning the ropes.
Back in the day there was Valerie and SCUM. Go figure. Made all the papers. We stay way out of it. Told them yesterday born at same facility as Warhol. Used to have fun saying, "My Andy glasses." Whoops.
Wrong impressions can be mighty dicey! Re: Time; great reads, wonderful maps. Concise. Front line progress - later Luce and Spellman made - well, it's reputed, stand in SE Asia. Implementation.
Had my mind blown circa March, I think. Lost track of everything. Place a mess. Normally keep track of lendings. Sort; renew. But went off the rails. They're in the house.
I suppose I'm in the klink - low misdemeanor. Can't even open the mail. Was going to terminate. Made up my mind to go to Native Services. Now off the rails again. God help us all.
Making this post remembering Sikh doctor. Ready to act performing job, he said, "Don't." Well, I have to... have to let them know... it's going to be OK after a tidying up.
Sub tender Chief lent a book of pictures plus explanation. Called The Lawless Decade, reprises excesses of the 1920s. Last time, he handed over a Nazi operator, Major Gehlen. After skimming with my nose held, a bit of comic relief.
Began taking it in; right now 1921's as far as I go. Not much to say about what I already know pretty much about. Prohibition issue! Bit off more than I can chew there. Oh, yeah. Wilfred Owen to Frances Willard; one fell swoop, no pain to drown.
Scandals galore: Black Sox, scanty swimsuits; Teapot Dome brewing. No, we don't want to get ahead of ourselves. Plenty of time. Not really. I've run out of funds. Down to my last 10 bucks. Will have to hock stuff. Need to make it until Sunday next.
Won't see my lady friend until then. Hope we take a mope. She's rather become ma raison de vivre actuellement. That would be in la raison d'etre neighborhood, eh? I like to think we've got a sanctified relationship.
I get totally blotto thinking about speaking French with her. Right away I also think of A Fish Called Wanda. Kevin Kline. Absolutely hilarious? No, I take her very seriously. Elle est. (Heavenly Father: thank you for her, for now, as it is. Amen.)
They called the 70's The Decade from Hell, but I was alright. There were "Jesus freak" accusations back and forth. Phrenetic. Trained to keep things under control and real clean, a hoot! But so many were swept away and ended up awfully dead.
What a thing it is that one's "family" would rather see one dead than in good stead. Such as it is, I've gotten into a pickle. God knows exactly what I'd like to do and I've got plenty of ideas.
For some time I've thought about getting long term care facilities involved in internet activity for their residents. (I'm sure some Activity Departments are already doing so.) There's a fellow, a former Intel executive, I believe, who's funded the distribution of "indestructible" lap-tops to schools in the African boonies in concert with the installation of transmission towers.
This sort of approach would be good in the care homes. People could keep in touch with family and get into the vignettes of their history. Could resolve a lot of boredom, loneliness and sense of abandonment. Would take a sponsor. Distributing these tools of communication seems a worthwhile endeavor. All I know is a little shipping and receiving. A lot of hoops to go through otherwise.
I wouldn't want to threaten the staff either.
Suppose you don't want the residents going to Web MD.
Yowza... that would really be a pickle, wouldn't it?
Mine's awfully real as well. They want me to die, like the old man.
We have, then, to develop the concept of a will which is to be esteemed as good itself without regard to anything else. It dwells already in the natural sound understanding and does not need to be taught as only to be brought to light.
Got a problem? Profesor Kant does... prove it! (Oh, my; she's going to have me institutionalized.) No problem. Much to be critiqued. And refreshed.
Yet, still, only so much we can do... delegate!
Like this place near Encanto Park. Restored. Real nice. I could never handle it myself, nor mine own place. I tried, tried as long as I could, always ready for someone. Until I didn't care anymore, strangers bringing ruination.
Upon an innocent. Now they've got the suits hovering. Slander is an awful thing, especially in violation of the 4th. Amendment, that is. Such as it is for citizens and our homes. So common law as well... our castles, just the same as the craven.
A long while since gone riding. A good while from the South Mountain stables. That's the most convenient place locally. It's quite a ride to the Verde Valley simply to enjoy a mount on the Crook Trail; we must find more to do. Plenty to do over a weekend!
When it warms up, of course. We've been freezing! Out on Spud's patio first thing, the sun rising and the horizon eventing, we shiver. But got into talk about Lipizzans. With someone who went on to speak of difficulties in "transactions" with some people - the bartender a clinical psychologist - we had a blast when I pulled Dora: An Analysis of a Case of Hysteria... he glanced at the cover.
"Oh, yeah... Frood. What's he got to say about these woman."
Well, went into the cover-up; briefly. How the old men got away with molestation and abuse, the bad doctor denying the actuality, making up legends based on his own misanthropy. (There wasn't any money in exposing the creeps either.) So it went, I related to him: presently we call the protective services. And not only for children, but for "seniors" too. But there might as well be an agency which protects us all from such hideous, alien and beastial behaviors.
